Shattered

So going along and life is good. Every day seems so much better than the next. You even start to think about the future, just a little. Maybe a weekend or two ahead, possibly an event in a month or two and it seems so nice. You’re at a comfortable place and all of a sudden it just falls apart.
Maybe you saw it coming or maybe, like me, it just kinda hit you like a bolt of lightning. It leaves you spinning and trying to hold on to anything that is steady. But you had placed all your trust and hopes into one place and/or person and that place/person is gone. You have so many questions but no answers.
You wonder what you did or what could you have done to prevent it. Did I miss something? Did I do something? Did I say something? But it just doesn’t make sense.
You pray and pray, you sit and try to recall your last conversations, you reread your last texts over and over. What did I miss? What were they really saying here? Did I misunderstand something?
You gave them your trust, your love and your heart. You showed them in so many little ways how much you cared. Why wasn’t that enough?
All of the questions get you nowhere but in a deep dark hole. The more you wonder and ponder the deeper the hole will get. You try to talk and they refuse or they change the subject. Then they just outright ignore you. The person you trusted and were so comfortable with is now a total stranger.
You feel like nothing you did mattered or made a difference to them. Why wasn’t it enough? Why did they just drop me like that? How can they just forget me?
You fight so hard not to cry, not to be upset thinking they just need space or time. When is time to say enough is enough? How much space is enough space?
Then comes the angry stage where you just feel like you were used and thrown out with the garbage. You think about every time you went out of way to help them. Every time you did something to cheer them up. It makes you mad and bitterness starts to creep in.
Finally there comes a day when you can start to free yourself from all of that. You can pick up one of the pieces very carefully and slowly start again. Yes, the edges are still sharp and they can hurt but piece by piece you can put your dreams back together again. You delete the text messages and clear the call logs. You look around the house and get rid of the memories. You just find things to keep yourself busy so you can stop the cycle of wondering.
People try to cheer you up. If its meant to be it will be, they say. You see your friends and family with their special someone and you wonder when you will get your turn.
Maybe so, but what about today? Well today you will just worry about today. You will focus on yourself and those who are around you and just be yourself. Don’t let the hurt cause you to be bitter. Don’t build a wall around yourself because of the fear. Don’t stop being you and don’t stop loving.
Yes, this experience will make you more cautious but don’t let it immobilize you. You are special and there is someone who will be there and won’t leave you when the going gets tough. They will be the one to drop everything for you and come listen to you when you have listened to everyone else.
Someone will be there to help you whenever you need it. They will be the one to cry with you, to pray with you and to laugh with you. Slowly they will help you put the pieces back together and you can plan a new future. The day will come when someone says, ‘It’s your turn’.
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