Last night I dreamed we had moved. It wasn’t a fancy house, in fact it was a bit run down and a lot smaller than where we live now. It needed a lot of cleaning and a bit of work but we loved it. It was a fresh start from all the stress and chaos we have right now at this moment.
Looking back on that dream I remember when my older kids were younger. There were many times we didn’t have much. In fact, at one point all we had was a few trash bags of clothes, an old mattress, and a small end table. We were happy and my kids were thrilled when we moved into an apartment that we could call home. Life was hard but we managed and we made it through.
Today we have a lot more and many would say we are ‘much better off’ but I don’t know. Life has gotten so complicated and I yearn for those simpler times. I hate the way I tense up when certain people come around because I just don’t know what drama they will try to stir up next. I also hate the way I just hold back from what I want to say because I don’t want to be accused of starting drama.
I know life has its ups and downs and we have to take the good with the bad. Sometimes it can get so complicated and overwhelming. I am about at that stage right now. I feel so frustrated about circumstances and things that are happening around me. I also know that I have no control over many of those things.
I know that I can only concern myself with the things that I can control or change. One of those things is the fact that I have never set clear boundaries with some people. Now that I am trying to set and enforce those boundaries people are acting out.
I have also been a bit of a push over. I am often accused of being ‘too nice’ which I didn’t think was possible. This has allowed people to take advantage of my ‘niceness’ and hospitality.
So where do I start? How do I fix this complicated mess around me? I could just up and move but I don’t have funds to do that with. In the end some of the problems would just follow me if I don’t deal with them.
I’m going to make a list of things that have been bothering me. I will them decide if there is something I can do to change them and work on those. It won’t be easy but I know that it can be done.
Life is hard to deal with sometimes, and I know things may get harder, but I know that I need to do this not only for myself but for my family. In the end it will help everyone to build healthier relationships and help us respect one another even more.
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